Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

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I thought about letting yesterday go by without saying anything, but then I read Rachel’s post.

I remembered the comfort and bond I felt reading stories of women who had been through exactly what I had been through.   I remember feeling like I was taking a deep breath when I realized other women felt the same.

At the time, I was pretty sure that I was the only person who secretly kept a blanket they had been given as a congratulations gift.  I thought I was the only girl in the world who cried in her closet and held that pink blanket close.

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Here is our story…

One miscarriage after Julia and before Nate.

Five miscarriages since Nate.  One of those miscarriages was twins.   When people ask me why there is such a big age difference between Nate and Riley, I just smile.

For a long time, walking through the Target baby section made me sad.

Sometimes, it is surreal to think about those ultrasounds.  No heartbeats.   If I close my eyes, I am transported back to that very room with Brian holding my hand.

So, what I’m trying to say is that if you’ve been through it, I’m so sorry.

I know there are no right words to fix anything.

I can tell you that He has met me in places and found me when I was pretty sure I couldn’t smile anymore.  I am absolutely healing from the hurt and it has gotten easier for me.

Brian and I have named them so that I know whose names to call out when I meet them one day.

Please let me know how I can pray for you.

With love,

Kate

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