I thought about letting yesterday go by without saying anything, but then I read Rachel’s post.
I remembered the comfort and bond I felt reading stories of women who had been through exactly what I had been through. I remember feeling like I was taking a deep breath when I realized other women felt the same.
At the time, I was pretty sure that I was the only person who secretly kept a blanket they had been given as a congratulations gift. I thought I was the only girl in the world who cried in her closet and held that pink blanket close.
Here is our story…
One miscarriage after Julia and before Nate.
Five miscarriages since Nate. One of those miscarriages was twins. When people ask me why there is such a big age difference between Nate and Riley, I just smile.
For a long time, walking through the Target baby section made me sad.
Sometimes, it is surreal to think about those ultrasounds. No heartbeats. If I close my eyes, I am transported back to that very room with Brian holding my hand.
So, what I’m trying to say is that if you’ve been through it, I’m so sorry.
I know there are no right words to fix anything.
I can tell you that He has met me in places and found me when I was pretty sure I couldn’t smile anymore. I am absolutely healing from the hurt and it has gotten easier for me.
Brian and I have named them so that I know whose names to call out when I meet them one day.
Please let me know how I can pray for you.