Here I am…

Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

I walked to the front of the church this morning to take up the gifts to the altar during Mass. I felt pride swell inside me as I walked with my husband, my oldest son as altar server, my three other beautiful children, and a belly huge and growing a new life. I looked down as Riley carried the Eucharist and beamed with pride at how careful he was being.

I thought about how scared I’ve been about having five children and how God has taken me through to the other side of that fear to beauty. The choir was singing “Here I am”, and I thought, “Yes, I’ve given Him everything.”  I stood up a little straighter from my self-admiration.

Nate returned to the altar, Julia and Riley returned to their pew, and Brian and I walked back to the cry room with Mary Alice. As I sat down in my chair, I felt a gentle nudge inside.

“I’m so glad you’ve trusted me in having more children. But, have you filled out the paperwork to visit friends in prison? Are the bags of compassion still sitting in your pantry waiting to be finished? Did you fuss at your children again after they didn’t do something quite to your standards? We still have a lot of work to do.”

I felt a little dizzy. I’ve given Him all of me in certain areas. I’ve given Him everything in a few places. But I’m holding tightly to my comfort zone everywhere else.

I feel like the closer I get to my Savior, the more I realize how much work there is to do.

Deuteronomy 31:8  “The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

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