The last few weeks, I’ve been wrapped up in how I should feel – grateful, thankful, happy, and all those other nice things.
I haven’t wanted to admit how I really feel – nauseous, nervous, annoyed at being nauseous and nervous, and tired.
I think a lot about what next year is going to look like. I worry that we will start to seem like two separate families – Julia and Nate with one set of memories and Riley and the baby with a different set of memories. But I’m not supposed to tell you that, right? I’m supposed to be overjoyed. This is all an impossible miracle. That alone means that I am supposed to be able to banish any negative thoughts from existence.
This season of Advent seems to make it all seem a little bigger. I’m supposed to be decorating and happy.
(Wow – this is a lot of supposed-tos).
I keep thinking about preparing my heart. How can I really get heart into a place where He is welcome here?
I’m going to listen to music a little more.
I’m going to light candles and make the house smell amazing.
And I’m going to think about Mary. When she learned that she was with child, what did she do? She proclaimed His glory!
Totally not the reaction I would have had. Here I am pregnant, with all of the modern conveniences in the world, and my heart still isn’t quite in a state of praise.
Read her song of praise:
Luke 1:46-50 Â 46 And Mary said: “My soul exalts the Lord, 47 And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. 48 “For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave; For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed. 49 “For the Mighty One has done great things for me; And holy is His name.
So, while I am having a hard time coming up with my own song of praise, I will borrow her beautiful words.
While I have no advice or wisdom on raising kids of all ages, I do know that all of their memories will be filled with crazy love and family… even if it looks a little bit different. So rest in that.
Thank you, Meg!
Love just love darling.
Thank you, mom 🙂
Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. I should… No all you are asked to do is walk humbly with God. He doesn’t beat you up. He lifts you up.He encourages you. Remember John 10:10.Know your friend and your enemy.
Your comment about two families with two sets of memories struck a cord with me. My parents had four children. When they were 12, 10, 8, and 6 I was born and 4 years later my younger brother was born. Yes there were different kinds of memories. But it was special and sweet. I have wonderful memories of my siblings coming home from college at Christmas with a car full of gifts (way better than Santa!) My siblings drove me ever where were my constant playmates and chaperones. It was amazing! It may not be “conventional” but I wouldn’t have had my childhood any other way
Dear Joy, thank you so much for this comment! It was so very encouraging to me!