At the beginning of the year, I quietly told God that I would really like to be published this year.

Of course I had a book I’ve been working on in mind – about our dear Saint Dymphna. In March, on my birthday, I was assigned an editor at a major publisher and we worked together for months on that draft.  It seemed that the dream and whispered prayer was going to become a reality.

Goodness gracious I was excited. I tried not to be prideful, but this felt so incredibly shiny.

The editor made an exciting suggestion. We should take the original draft and pull it into three separate books.

They want me to write three books?!

I poured months into the first book. Brian gently warned that it seemed like it was no longer something I was enjoying, but had become hard, dry, work. The project no longer resembled what I had been called to do.

I didn’t want to acknowledge his insight as correct. I wanted to push through. I wanted to be a published author. I wanted to tell the world about Saint Dymphna. I wanted to get this done.

The publisher told me that the project was no longer a good fit for them.

I ran the draft of the pulled apart book by other publishers.

After rejection number four, I sat in Adoration and told Him that I thought I had misunderstood Him.

Had I pursued something for selfish gain and vanity?

What was I supposed to do with the work I had put into this?

Was it wasted?

I sat back in the long, wooden pew. The leaves were blowing in circles outside, chasing one another in the morning sun.

Nothing is wasted, He reminded me.

Nothing.

Even these leaves going around in circles have a purpose. The wind that carries them has handled unseen obstacles and elevation changes. The leaves dancing in circles are a testament to unseen struggles.

I sat and watched, delighting in their dance and thankful that it happened when I was paying attention.

I left the church, thankful for the unseen struggles and thankful for my own leaf dance. I gave the idea of being published back to God and asked Him to let me know when it was time to pick it up again.

Later that week, a project was announced. Would I like to contribute a chapter to a book about the Saints?

A chapter about Our Lady, Undoer of Knots, poured out of me. And today we have official word – it is going to the printer and will arrive in a few weeks.

His kindness and mercy are such a gift.

***

Is there a dream or a quiet whisper that you are waiting for?

Give it back to Him with open hands and just enjoy the dance while He makes it into something even more beautiful than you can imagine.