I’ve made an executive decision.
I’ve decided that I’ve allowed my feelings to be a bushel – the bushel that I am hiding a miracle under.
This pregnancy, I’ve been sadder and lonelier than I’ve been in a very long time. I’ve hidden from community. I’ve cried for no reason. I’ve let guilt weigh heavy on my shoulders.
I allowed myself to believe the lie that I am the only mother who has ever felt this way.
I am opening my eyes to the reality that I’ve let these feelings be the reason I haven’t spoken of the miracle. I’ve allowed the feeling of being overwhelmed silence the cry of praise.
I talked about it in the video, but I don’t think I ever actually wrote out the story of our miracle.
Our miracle baby:
Last summer, I was a chaperone at my daughter’s youth retreat – Stuebenville West. The weekend was incredible. It was filled with praise and prayer. During adoration, when the Priest walked by with the monstrance, I knew I felt the presence of Christ. He was there. He was with us.
Do you remember the woman who reached out and touched Christ’s robe? I wondered if that was how she felt. It was as if I could reach out and physically touch Christ as the holy Eucharist passed by.
{When I looked up her story today to find the verse for you, I realized the woman and I had more in common than I ever thought: Mark 5: 25 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.}
Later that night, the Priest shared that someone there was struggling with infertility, and God was going to untie the knots. I felt something stir. I looked around and dismissed thoughts that it could be me. There were beautiful young couples in ministry together. It had to be one of them.
But I think at that moment I knew.
I knew that God was speaking directly to me.
Just a few weeks later, we learned that we were pregnant. And now, tomorrow is 31 weeks. It has been 12 years since I was able to carry a child to term.
I will not sit quietly any longer. Through days that are long and days that I pray that my children see His love no matter how I feel, I will speak of the miracle. I will not let the weight of anxiety and sadness hide the truth that He is always good. Always.
Loneliness, sadness, or any other feeling does not change the fact that He is God. Feelings do not change the fact that I’m in the middle of a miracle.
Thank you for sharing this. It is a miracle. And I love that the LORD our God has revealed to you not to hide it, but to proclaim it.
I’m also thankful for your words because they cause me to ask what am I hiding under a bushel? What do I need to let shine? I know there are things I hide because of insecurity. I need to stop that.
You and I, those who belong to Christ, we’re PROOF… PROOF that God lives and breathes and is at work in His people. We’re His voice here. We’re to share the proof. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Rejoicing with you and for you in the miracles God has only just begun to do in your lives!
Denise, thank you so much for your comment. I am so thankful for your encouragement and friendship!
You are so loved.
Love you, mamma.
Girl, I just cried. Shout it from the rooftops!
Thank you, Joy! You are a treasure.
Beautiful! I’m sorry you’ve been sad and lonely. 🙁 You are so loved!
Thank you, Megan. Love you, too!
Oh my!!! Kate, I´m SO HAPPY FOR ALL OF YOU!!!! I´m from the other side of the globe (Brazilian, actually) but I have been following your blog for… I don´t remember how long. I´ve cried and jumped of joy with each one of your kid´s story! And now you´ve give me one more reason to rejoy!!!
Once, I was a widow, you know? My husband died when he was 35 and I was left behind with 2 little adorable ones. And I always believed that “God is good, no matter what – and He´s going to do His work throug our lives if we just accepted it”. And I learn to be more like Paul: satisfied in ANY occasion. Thankfull to God in ANY occasion. Cause His plan in my life is not complete yet… and in the end this is gonna be amazind and worth living.
So I can not complain about the “end of the story” if I actually DON´T KNOW (yet) the end of the story, right?
And the story of your family is going to be bigger, lauder, happier and have more love (and loved ones) that you could ever imagine! Thank you, Lord!!!
Kisses and blessings.
Mirys (from Brazil – so forgive my English, please)
Mirys, thank you so much for sharing that! I love that you work to be satisfied in any situation! Such amazing encouragement. Thank you.