The very first day Little Guy came to hang out, he took a nap here. {We started with days only and transitioned into nights after a few weeks.}
I laid down next to him. I didn’t want him to be scared if he woke up alone in a strange place.
When he woke up, he rolled over and looked at me. I held my breath, so nervous about what he was feeling and thinking. He sat up on his knees, put his hands on my face and just giggled. He gave me hugs and touched my face over and over.
It was the moment I think we found each other.
A moment God gave to me to put away deep in my heart for always.
My heart had been searching for my children for years… and there he was – right next to me.
We have a very special adoption counselor working with us that specializes in transitions.
We know now that that is what is called ‘the honeymoon phase’. Everything is rosy and happy and sweet.
Now, hugs don’t come as easily.
There are days that I am not mommy, I am ‘Katie’.
He runs with smiles to Julia, Nate and Brian – and yells at me. It’s ok.
He has lost his mommy and I’m not it – not yet. It’s a grief process. It’s normal – expected even, but that doesn’t make it easy.
God gave me naptimes and gives me these each day.
Nap-times are full of snuggles and reading and cuddles.
I’m so thankful.
It gets me through the days.
Even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved – Ephesians 1:4-6
You are doing a great job Kate! I am so excited for you!
You are doing an amazing job friend! I’m praying for you and your family.
xoxo
Thanks be to God for the help and wise counsel you need through this transition. I’m sorry the “honeymoon” is over and you are bearing the brunt of little guy’s grief. Hang in there. God’s love and yours will win out. You are doing a great job!!
I’m so amazed at this process that you’re going through! I look forward to reading each step of it as you share it. I feel for you “mourning” the little boy you always thought you’d have and then being able to finally welcome one home. We have one little girl and then have had three boys, one miscarriage that was a boy, and are now expecting our FIFTH boy in a row! Considering my husband and I both felt that our family’s not complete without the little girl that we feel is still waiting, it’s been a bit of a struggle. As much as we love our boys, there’s always that little girl in the back of our minds. Stories like yours always make me wonder if this is how I’m supposed to get that little girl!
One day at a time, friend. Reading this makes me think about the saying that we tend to hurt those that we feel closest and most comfortable with because we know that they will still love us anyway. I am sure I butchered that but, you catch my drift. I know that the grief stage is hard, I am glad that he has someone like you and Brian that understand and let him go through those stages. I have a feeling that deep down you may get the brunt because he feels safest to show those feelings to you. You’re doing a wonderful job. 🙂
You are amazing. Thank God for wise counsel. I know it’s not easy but we are so proud of you.