That is what my sister-in-law calls them.
I was sitting on the porch in Carmine, Texas over Christmas vacation.
My first moment alone in a few weeks.
Birds were singing.
The sun was setting.
The wind was picking up.
And I realized.
I had lost three children in the past year.
Three.
One miscarriage last Christmas Eve.
A miscarriage of twins in late September.
I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath.
Oh Dear Father, find me again. Here is this quiet moment, I need you. I know I need you. Fill me with gentleness and love. Grip my heart tightly. I need you to hold me together today.
I heard the front door open and was shaken back into the now.
It was my love. He saw me sitting alone and came out to check on me.
{He knows I am not usually an alone person.}
Oh Dear Father, thank you. You always answer me. Always.
There are still days I feel myself quieter. It’s as if I am scared to talk because I might become a weepy mess. I might become undone.
Other days, I’m just fine. I feel the sun. I feel God’s love and grace pouring over me.
He has me in His Hands. He has me in His Grip and He will not let go.
I will rest. I will walk through this moment and not tiptoe around it. I will feel His strong arms around me. I will take comfort in the kind actions of His creation.
that’s too much Kate. I am so sorry. I have only had one loss, ever, and it was so hard. I can’t imagine. I hope that 2011 brings no such thing to you and you experience much joy and peace. sending you lots of love and (((hugs))) xoxo
I am so sorry for your heartache the past year. I have never had a miscarriage, but did lose my one and only sister when she was much too young. I hope this year shows you the joy in this world. Don’t stop believing…my daughter is almost a year old and there are only 5 other women in the world with my disease who have been able to bring children into this world. Miracles do happen.
Hi Kate,
I can understand your pain. I have had three miscarriages as well. We had 2 miscarriages the year I became pregnant with the twins. I was so scared that I wouldn’t be able to carry them to term and then deliver healthy babies. The twins are almost 3 now. Your post brought back lots of memories for me.
I pray that God lifts you up and carries you through this time.
Blessings
Honey
So sorry about your losses. Brutal. Just brutal. Love that verse!