It would be so easy for me to hide behind her smile and her beauty and pretend that we don’t struggle and push and pull with our personalities.

Sweet Baby J is the loveliest, most independent lady of a ten year old daughter.

I find myself baffled with her strength and independence.

Then, when she leans on me and needs me it absolutely throws me for a loop.

One of these moments surfaced recently, showing me the complete need I have for mercy and grace and forgiveness.

Sweet Baby J struggles with nightmares. It is heartbreaking. These chilling moments startle the entire family into wide eyed stares in the dead of night while we all slowly awaken trying to figure out what we are hearing.

Those of you that know me, know that I struggle with insomnia. Thankfully, it continues to improve, but my mood with a lack of sleep is anything but lovely.

A few months ago, Julia was on day 4 of nightmares. I allowed the tiredness to dictate my reaction, my mood, the level of my love and dedication.

To say that I was less than gracious is an embarrassed understatement that is so hard for me to share with you and only proves and shows how much I want other people to think highly of me.

She looked at me with teary eyes and asked “Do you hate me?”

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I broke inside. I held her with all my might   I apologized.

I apologized.

How strange for a parent to apologize to their child. I felt it was all I could do. I was wrong. I had hurt her deeply with my selfishness. For weeks, I was terrified that I had severely hurt our relationship and that she would no longer run to me with her fears ~ out of a new fear of my reaction or my rejection.

I am relieved to report that her nightmares have become fewer and fewer AND she still runs to me in the dead of night.

God, thank you. Thank you for the strength to apologize and admit my wrongs to my children.

Use me to show them that You are perfection and that we can learn and grow ~ even as adults.

Friends, thank you for letting me confess my wrongs to you. Have a wonderful week and don’t be afraid to say that you need to change and grow. It is one of the most freeing feelings when you admit that you are on a journey that is not over yet…