Before I jump head first into bringing the little love-bug home, I need to tell you about the NICU.

 

The case manager asked me to arrive by 10am. DCS receives the date of discharge, but does not typically receive an exact time. The time depends on so many uncontrollable factors. I found a quiet spot where I was allowed wait and hoped that I would see her soon.

I was called back twice, only to be told that an emergency had come up and they would be with me as soon as possible.

I sat back down and noticed the time was  3pm. My heart was saddened. I was hoping to go to Confession as we started our journey with the love-bug. I prayed under my breath, telling Jesus that I wanted so badly to go to the Sacrament of Confession and that I was sorry that I was going to miss it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone sit down. It truly looked like they were wearing a priest’s cassock. I looked over to my left and there was no one there, but when I faced forward again, it was as if they had returned. I have no other explanation than God wanted me to know that He understood my longing and just to tell Him everything on my heart right then and there.

After I was done, praying under my breath, I sat back in my chair and rested. Within seconds, love-bug’s birth mother was standing before me with a picture and tears in her eyes. I promised to love and care for love-bug with all of my heart and soul. I promised to send pictures via text and work with them on visitation.

I walked up to the NICU once more, wondering if I would actually be let in. I felt a very tall presence over my right shoulder, but as I turned to look, once again, I didn’t see anything. I reached to pick up the phone to the NICU and the doors flung open. The nurse on the other side was startled and asked me to wait so that they could confirm my identity.

I was quietly escorted to her room, they called a pod. I had never been in a NICU before and it all seemed very calm but very overwhelming.

There were a few other beds and one other mom. The other mom in the room sweetly told me all about love-bug and I treasured every story. I tried to listen to every instruction the nurse gave, but I was so distracted by love-bug’s beauty. What a gift that she was doing well enough to be released. What a gift that I would get to snuggle and care for her. What a gift that I would face sleepless nights once more to let go of my self for a child.