Yes, it was a catastrophe. It’s true.

I traded my husband a computer night for a trip to On the Border.

And what happened? What happened? On the Border is closed. It was just there last week! I drove past happy people coming in and out on my way to Target. Happy people I tell you. The sign in front suggested we go to California Pizza Kitchen. NO! I don’t want pizza! I want my dr. pepper, my tableside guacamole, my queso and my yummy flautas! Tex-Mex, don’t leave me! Not today.

Dearest On the Border, I don’t think you understand. Now is a very bad time for you to close this location. You see, I have been sick. I am not usually sick, so this is very bad. And very sad. I have tried other Mexican food places in Arizona. Yes, it is true. But they are not you, my dear, dear Tex-Mex. Please open. I promise to stand outside like the desperate Mervyn’s lady, tapping on your beautiful windows and repeating ‘Open, Open’. I am going to need an Easter miracle on this one. I need to to open the tomb. I do not remember seeing a community protest sign or a petition to close you, so this must be a mistake. Yes, I did google the next closest location and it is 19.8 miles away. That is much too far.

Where exactly should I get my fajitas that have not been marinated in teriyaki? Where should I get my tortillas that are not corn? Where can I find queso that does not have hotter than the underworld green chilies? Where can I go to drink Dr. Pepper? Not Mr. Pibb. Yes, I get it, they taste similar. But Dr. Pepper is far superior. Ask any Texan and they will tell you. No, you cannot substitue Mr. Pibb for Dr. Pepper and think that I will not notice ~ but you, On the Border, you never tried that evil stunt did you? I will never forget you On the Border. Until we meet again….